


and memory had taught my heart the duty

by ykoriana



Category: Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Emotionally Repressed, Implied/Referenced Abuse, Loneliness, M/M, Sleeping Together, Sleeptalking, Vignette
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-02-22
Updated: 2019-02-22
Packaged: 2019-11-02 01:28:42
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 840
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17878487
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ykoriana/pseuds/ykoriana
Summary: The first time it happens, Kylo thinks Hux has finally decided to kill him.





	and memory had taught my heart the duty

The first time it happens, Kylo thinks Hux has finally decided to kill him.

He is dragged away from the depths of postcoital slumber by the grasp of an outstretched arm across his collarbone, muscle and sinew tight as rope. His own body awakens in alarm, running on muscle memory, and he stops himself a breath away from striking out when he realizes Hux is... asleep.

Asleep in the deepest of states, and clinging to Kylo with all the strength of a shipwrecked man clutching an oxygen tank in the dead of space.

It’s unexpected, to say the least. Confusing. He lies awake in the awkward, unrelenting embrace, trying to make sense of it. Musters some resolve, gently tries to dislodge himself from Hux’s grasp. But Hux whimpers like a baby bird and clings harder, though he remains fast asleep.

Kylo gives up, closes his eyes and eventually he relaxes and goes back to sleep.

In the morning, Hux remembers nothing. Of course.

Given that neither of them have experience of sharing a bed for mere sleeping purposes, Kylo quickly surmises Hux is completely unaware of his odd behaviour.

Indeed they ended up regularly sleeping together mostly out of habit and exhaustion. Kylo tends to fall asleep right after sex, and there is a lot of sex now (in the early days there had been a lot of screaming; he supposes they traded one for the other, and now the Order runs so much more smoothly and there is the added bonus of orgasms). Eventually Hux had given up trying to kick Kylo from his quarters.

But that sleeping thing. It keeps happening, after the first time.

Waking Hux is so self-assured, even with a load of Kylo’s cum on his face. Sleeping Hux drapes himself around Kylo’s body with hopeless abandon. It’s like being spooned by a rathtar. Or sometimes Hux curls up into a ball and wedges himself against Kylo’s side. Kylo knows Hux is _flexible_ , but he doesn’t understand how he can make himself so small.

And always the tension, the primal longing for the touch of warm skin and yet so far beyond it. Hux’s delicate fingers, clutching Kylo's shoulder hard enough to bruise, his body reaching for something his mind refuses to even acknowledge. It scares Kylo. Kylo can barely deal with his own feelings on, well, _everything_ , let alone someone else’s.

He wants to run, but always stays. He worries. How can Hux be asleep and yet so tense? How is he functioning properly in daytime shift if his resting time is so fretful?

Then there is that time they endure a horrid officer from old Empire days when there was _discipline_ and _valour_ and look, he’d received a medal from the _Emperor himself_ and he spends his entire visit loudly snorting on how the younger generation has no spunk in them (this despite the fact the younger generation has grown up on starships, fed on stale combat rations) and how the Order would be so much more efficient if only Brendol Hux were alive and in charge.

Kylo wants to kill him at least once every ten seconds. Only Hux’s icy stare keeps him from ripping the man’s heart out of his chest. It’s so unfair. All night he’s on his best behaviour for Hux and when they finally retire, it’s _Hux_ who falls asleep almost immediately (perhaps the wine he had earlier consumed so freely, uncharacteristically; perhaps the pill he surreptitiously swallows when Kylo isn’t _looking_ but still _sees_ ).

But Hux grasps him tighter that night, actually _claws_ at him, keening, groaning like a wounded animal, and then after a long time he goes completely still and says in a loud clear voice, _“you will all kneel at my feet and weep”_ and Kylo freezes, Kylo who has seen many untold horrors across the galaxy and yet never heard a voice so cold, so filled with vengeance and razor-sharp hate.

In another place, another time, if Hux had been Force-strong, he would have been infinitely more dangerous than Kylo. But Hux has not the Force. Only his steely discipline to carry him.

This is just too much for Kylo to figure out. He can’t even understand why his eyes are getting wet, let alone think of a way to help. And Hux, who seemed to have calmed down after what nearly felt like a fucking demonic possession, is at it again. Crying softly, burying his face in the crook of Kylo’s armpit, his whole body a tight coil of energy. Kylo just stays completely still, for a long time. He lowers his arm, just to straighten this muscle cramp, and before he even realizes he’s draping it around Hux’s slim shoulders, warm fingers settling on the pale skin like skittish butterflies. Into the darkness Kylo whispers, out of forgotten instinct, “baby, baby, all safe now, all safe”.

Hux exhales. His body relaxes a fraction, and he huddles even closer to Kylo.

Kylo definitely does not understand the tears running down his cheeks.

**Author's Note:**

> I can't quite rationally explain this. I am so invested in this fandom right now, and read so many wonderful and inspired works. But I haven't written anything in long, long years and this... sort of showed up in my mind one night as I was halfway to sleep.
> 
> My boys, my two hopeless human disasters.
> 
> §
> 
> Title is from Fernando Pessoa's English Sonnet IV.


End file.
